Country Singers Gifts

"This is my new country song I wrote about my self-driving truck leaving me..."

'Cock-a-doodle-do!'

Songs about Texas, next 1100 miles.

"It's God's country, if your god wears camouflage and dips tobacco."

Bashful in Nashville

'I took your advice and got a long little doggy.'

'I can't write cheating songs because my wife's too insecure.'

"I'm putting you on country music."

'Woke up this morning found someone had stolen my guitar...'

"I'll be broadminded up in heaven, but here on earth you're still a whore..."

'I'll never forget the night I saw you across the crowded room of a dusty ol' honky tonk.'

For every moment in life there is a song that describes it perfectly.'

"This is Kevin. Kevin was uncool before uncool was cool."

"Well of course you're depressed... You're a country and western singer."

"The harmonica! Boy you're lucky, my cowboy plays the double-bass! I tell you what, it's a pretty awkward thing to carry around..."

"Year after year we sit here quietly raising eyebrows, son."

Supply was out of harps.

Hip-Hopalong Billy Bob blamed the censors for killing the country-rap scene.

Where the deer and the antelope play.

'The grass is always bluer to a banjo pickin bovine!'

Ray Price, Willie Nelson, Merle Haggard

'This next song is called Reindeer farts in my face all night.'

Here's a little number I wrote from bitter personal experience...

Music from the moon.

Cowpunk

"Not tonight, hon—I've got a heartache."

"I'd better get a hit country song out of growing up this way."

Looks like you put too much dosie in that doe, Earl.

Rhinestone Accountant

Dolly Parton