Country Musician Gifts

'I can't write cheating songs because my wife's too insecure.'

'Cock-a-doodle-do!'

"He loves country music."

Nashville Peacock

"This is my new country song I wrote about my self-driving truck leaving me..."

Songs about Texas, next 1100 miles.

"It's God's country, if your god wears camouflage and dips tobacco."

Bashful in Nashville

'I took your advice and got a long little doggy.'

"I'm putting you on country music."

'I'll never forget the night I saw you across the crowded room of a dusty ol' honky tonk.'

'Woke up this morning found someone had stolen my guitar...'

Towny Music Night.

"I'll be broadminded up in heaven, but here on earth you're still a whore..."

For every moment in life there is a song that describes it perfectly.'

"This is Kevin. Kevin was uncool before uncool was cool."

"It's bad, Doc. the voices in my head are singing country western."

"The harmonica! Boy you're lucky, my cowboy plays the double-bass! I tell you what, it's a pretty awkward thing to carry around..."

"Well of course you're depressed... You're a country and western singer."

A Modern Day Cowboy and his Horse.

Supply was out of harps.

'The grass is always bluer to a banjo pickin bovine!'

Where the deer and the antelope play.

Down On the Farm

Hip-Hopalong Billy Bob blamed the censors for killing the country-rap scene.

Here's a little number I wrote from bitter personal experience...

"Not tonight, hon—I've got a heartache."

'This next song is called Reindeer farts in my face all night.'

The Invention of Country Music.

Cowpunk

Ray Price, Willie Nelson, Merle Haggard

Music from the moon.

'Darlin', what's an adjective for a two-timin', heart-breakin' outlaw that rhymes with iPod?'