Country Tune Crooner Gifts

Music from the moon.

"This is my new country song I wrote about my self-driving truck leaving me..."

'Cock-a-doodle-do!'

Songs about Texas, next 1100 miles.

"It's God's country, if your god wears camouflage and dips tobacco."

'...and I only have eyes, for ewe...'

Bashful in Nashville

'I took your advice and got a long little doggy.'

'I can't write cheating songs because my wife's too insecure.'

"I'm putting you on country music."

'Woke up this morning found someone had stolen my guitar...'

'I'll never forget the night I saw you across the crowded room of a dusty ol' honky tonk.'

For every moment in life there is a song that describes it perfectly.'

"I'll be broadminded up in heaven, but here on earth you're still a whore..."

Singer in a boat disturbing the fish.

"This is Kevin. Kevin was uncool before uncool was cool."

"Well of course you're depressed... You're a country and western singer."

"The harmonica! Boy you're lucky, my cowboy plays the double-bass! I tell you what, it's a pretty awkward thing to carry around..."

Supply was out of harps.

Where the deer and the antelope play.

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

'The grass is always bluer to a banjo pickin bovine!'

Hip-Hopalong Billy Bob blamed the censors for killing the country-rap scene.

'This next song is called Reindeer farts in my face all night.'

Ray Price, Willie Nelson, Merle Haggard

Here's a little number I wrote from bitter personal experience...

Cowpunk

"Not tonight, hon—I've got a heartache."

"I'd better get a hit country song out of growing up this way."

Flat Cap and whippet