Country Joke Appreciator Pillows

I'm prepared to admit that you may have startled me a bit, sure!

"...so it appears we were talking to his butt that entire time."

What's an Imax cave?

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

"Do you think there's intellegent life in there?"

Laughing Zone Ahead

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

"Sorry I'm late! The driving conditions are awful!"

Florist. A vase for everything and everything in its vase.

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

'Excuse me, I ordered Matzo Ball soup.'

'Zeb, don't you reckon it's time you took that pig into town and traded him for some decent Wi'-Fi?'

'HEY! Shouldn't that be a reef-knot?!'

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

"...you mean this is the end of the 3 bandidoes?"

'The guy at the end of the bar, would like to know if he can get you to buy him another drink?'

'I'm counter - intelligence'

"Have you had a stressful experience lately, such as an accident?"

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

'Oh God I hope that bunch of rednecks aren't waving at me!'

'If you're not doing anything, come on over and we'll shoot the bull!'

'...Oh yeah? Well I've never heard of the 'denture fairy'.'

OMG.

"Calm down! That was a massive fart, NOT a sneeze!"

"...and the dung was this big!.... No...elephant, actually."

Medicine bottle - If symptoms persist, die!

Due to Global Warming Penguins have been Spotted Far from their Natural Habitat

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

Split the last one?

'This isn't Armageddon... it's a bar brawl on a Saturday night. Let Pestilence read the map.'

'I'd probably do a lot better if the teachers weren't set to 'auto-correct.''

'Mind if I head off a little early today?'

"He's been like that ever since he stopped eating the stuff and began smoking it."