Political Joke Appreciator Pillows

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

"...so it appears we were talking to his butt that entire time."

Laughing Zone Ahead

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

'Excuse me, I ordered Matzo Ball soup.'

'HEY! Shouldn't that be a reef-knot?!'

'I'm counter - intelligence'

'The guy at the end of the bar, would like to know if he can get you to buy him another drink?'

"Have you had a stressful experience lately, such as an accident?"

"...you mean this is the end of the 3 bandidoes?"

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

OMG.

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

'This isn't Armageddon... it's a bar brawl on a Saturday night. Let Pestilence read the map.'

"Calm down! That was a massive fart, NOT a sneeze!"

'...Oh yeah? Well I've never heard of the 'denture fairy'.'

"...and the dung was this big!.... No...elephant, actually."

Medicine bottle - If symptoms persist, die!

Due to Global Warming Penguins have been Spotted Far from their Natural Habitat

'I'd probably do a lot better if the teachers weren't set to 'auto-correct.''

'Warren buffett invests only in things he understands...my view is that politicians should regulate only things they understand!'

"His face may be in the gutter, but his bum's looking up at the stars."

"He's been like that ever since he stopped eating the stuff and began smoking it."

Smart 3 Piece Suite.

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"

"He can be a real charmer when he wants to be."