Couch Life Gifts

"The landlord says that there are no animals allowed in this apartment. You've got to move out."

"If you could be any Bob Dylan you wanted to, which Bob Dylan would you be?"

"Bloody hell!"

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'Seriously. You have to get one of these.'

"All of a dither as per usual!"

"I won't be in today, I'm feeling a little under the coffee table."

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

'John is watching the game under protest.'

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

'What about you...you've been living here thirty years too?'

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

"Darling! We've become armchair socialites."

"I watched a Lassie marathon today and realized that I really need to step up my game."

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

"China now says it will withdraw its opposition to the missile-defense shield if the F.B.I. builds it."

"It was your father's idea - He can't bear to miss a second of the game."

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

'-but surely it's unusual to have nightmares with COMMERCIALS?'

'Well, at least there's no chance of you suffering from repetative strain injury.'

TV Watch(ing) Dog for sale.

'If you want a reality check, I'll have to see two pieces of I. D.'

"Still judging people on stuff you could never do?"

Armchair quarterback/Armchair everything

"I want an instant replay of you taking out the garbage."