Couch Life Gifts

"The landlord says that there are no animals allowed in this apartment. You've got to move out."

"If you could be any Bob Dylan you wanted to, which Bob Dylan would you be?"

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"Bloody hell!"

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'Seriously. You have to get one of these.'

"All of a dither as per usual!"

'I gotta admit it doc. . . My wife was right, a little time on the couch and I already feel better.'

Captive Audience at the World Cup.

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

"I won't be in today, I'm feeling a little under the coffee table."

'John is watching the game under protest.'

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

'What about you...you've been living here thirty years too?'

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

"China now says it will withdraw its opposition to the missile-defense shield if the F.B.I. builds it."

"I watched a Lassie marathon today and realized that I really need to step up my game."

"Darling! We've become armchair socialites."

"It was your father's idea - He can't bear to miss a second of the game."

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

"What time is it?" "Half past World Cup."

'-but surely it's unusual to have nightmares with COMMERCIALS?'

"I want an instant replay of you taking out the garbage."

Armchair quarterback/Armchair everything

Brighter days are ahead. I love it when I hear that in both news and weather segments of the program.

"Still judging people on stuff you could never do?"

TV Watch(ing) Dog for sale.

'Well, at least there's no chance of you suffering from repetative strain injury.'

"God, I love this show!"