Couch Companion Gifts

'Seriously. You have to get one of these.'

'Yes, it's a very interesting show, but we really need to talk about all the time you waste watching it - perhaps during the next commercial break.'

"You're retired, I'm retired."

'...Eno should live to the age of a hundred and sixty.'

'Nature makes me nervous!'

"Have you seen the remote?"

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'well, Fred, I see you're finally embracing technology.'

"It's wonderful to be away from the rat race. So, what happened on 'CSI: Miami' last night?"

"Funny. My girlfriend said the same thing."

'I gotta admit it doc. . . My wife was right, a little time on the couch and I already feel better.'

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

Captive Audience at the World Cup.

'Every time I turn my back, he's learned another one of your bad habits.'

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

I haven't been down there since last Valentine's day. I want to check on a couple who asked me to rekindle their romance. A year ago I told them that thanks to me they'd be spending more time together and less time at their offices. I said I'd make it so they'd have lots of nights at home ordering some take-out and watching a movie. They must be very happy with me. All I did was shoot an arrow of love, but apparently they think I caused some sort of pandemic to happen!

"He is walking from 'Lands end to John'o'Groats', virtually."

Congratulations! - You have been nominated for the Turner Prize...

"It was your father's idea - He can't bear to miss a second of the game."

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

(I'm afraid someone is going to expose me as a phony, a fraud, … A complete charlatan.) (Uh, oh! He's on to me!)

"What time is it?" "Half past World Cup."

"No, playing fantasy football doesn't count as exercise. No wonder you pulled a muscle getting up on the table."

'Frankly, I don't see a problem. By its very nature inherited wealth entitles you to be second-rate.'

"I want an instant replay of you taking out the garbage."

"Love me?"

'Well, at least there's no chance of you suffering from repetative strain injury.'

"Just sitting here widening. You?"

'It's called doctor-patient confidentiality. In layman's terms, you're paying me to keep my mouth shut.'

Eventual Motion Machine

The four freedoms: freedom to bark, freedom from fetching, freedom to sleep on any piece of furniture, freedom from leashes.

"Have we scored yet?"