Couch Companion Pillows

'Seriously. You have to get one of these.'

'Yes, it's a very interesting show, but we really need to talk about all the time you waste watching it - perhaps during the next commercial break.'

"You're retired, I'm retired."

'...Eno should live to the age of a hundred and sixty.'

'Nature makes me nervous!'

"Have you seen the remote?"

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"It's wonderful to be away from the rat race. So, what happened on 'CSI: Miami' last night?"

'well, Fred, I see you're finally embracing technology.'

"Funny. My girlfriend said the same thing."

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

'Every time I turn my back, he's learned another one of your bad habits.'

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

"He is walking from 'Lands end to John'o'Groats', virtually."

"It was your father's idea - He can't bear to miss a second of the game."

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

(I'm afraid someone is going to expose me as a phony, a fraud, … A complete charlatan.) (Uh, oh! He's on to me!)

"I want an instant replay of you taking out the garbage."

'Well, at least there's no chance of you suffering from repetative strain injury.'

"No, playing fantasy football doesn't count as exercise. No wonder you pulled a muscle getting up on the table."

"Love me?"

'Frankly, I don't see a problem. By its very nature inherited wealth entitles you to be second-rate.'

"Just sitting here widening. You?"

'It's called doctor-patient confidentiality. In layman's terms, you're paying me to keep my mouth shut.'

Eventual Motion Machine

'It's topped with things I found under my sofa cushions.'

The four freedoms: freedom to bark, freedom from fetching, freedom to sleep on any piece of furniture, freedom from leashes.

"When you are done exercising your finger, the cat would like to talk to you!"

"Well, if I was ambitious, we'd have a nice house and more money, but I'd never be around."

"Have we scored yet?"

"You need the exercise, so I bought you a bigger remote."