Couch Lovers Pillows

"Sorry to cancel last minute—I was waiting it out, hoping you would."

"The batteries in his TV remote died. The shock of not being able to use it for two minutes has put him in a temporary state of shock."

'Seriously. You have to get one of these.'

'I gotta admit it doc. . . My wife was right, a little time on the couch and I already feel better.'

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

"Today let's work on changing channels, drinking with a mouthful of food, and yelling at the TV all at the same time."

"It's a beautiful day. I should go for a walk. . . Oh, now my neighbors are all out there."

The Common Sutra.

"At our age I'd say we have about two or three binge watches left in us."

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

"Just sitting here widening. You?"

Exercise vs Laxative.

Eventual Motion Machine

"Well, if I was ambitious, we'd have a nice house and more money, but I'd never be around."

'Here, you're allowed to sharpen your claws to your heart's content!'

The four freedoms: freedom to bark, freedom from fetching, freedom to sleep on any piece of furniture, freedom from leashes.

"You need the exercise, so I bought you a bigger remote."

"Anywhere with cable T.V. will be fine."

Sale. We need something that will meet our growing backsides.

"Comfy?"

Dog cradles bone, baby cradles blanket, boy cradles teddy bear and father cradles TV remote.

"I'll always love you just the way I am."

"How much for the couch without the potato?"

'This looks good. It's a six-hour special on how society is becoming too sedentary.'

'Yes, it's a very interesting show, but we really need to talk about all the time you waste watching it - perhaps during the next commercial break.'

"I know that in these bad times nobody is hiring and workers are still being laid off, but what will be your excuse when the economy recovers?"

John bought himself a new "Unfit" bracelet.

"What I don't understand is why people waste their time writing when they might not get published,."

'I can't enjoy the stuff I steal because I set fire to it all.'

'Darling! This isn't a property programme at all! It's the view from our living room window..'

"I don't want to sound simplistic, but I think a smaller couch with fewer throw pillows would help this marriage a lot."

"Sorry, dear, but vowing NOT to climb Mount Everest this year isn't a valid New Year's resolution."