Couch Lovers Pillows

"Sorry to cancel last minute—I was waiting it out, hoping you would."

"The batteries in his TV remote died. The shock of not being able to use it for two minutes has put him in a temporary state of shock."

'Seriously. You have to get one of these.'

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

"It's a beautiful day. I should go for a walk. . . Oh, now my neighbors are all out there."

"At our age I'd say we have about two or three binge watches left in us."

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

"Just sitting here widening. You?"

Exercise vs Laxative.

Eventual Motion Machine

"Well, if I was ambitious, we'd have a nice house and more money, but I'd never be around."

The four freedoms: freedom to bark, freedom from fetching, freedom to sleep on any piece of furniture, freedom from leashes.

'Here, you're allowed to sharpen your claws to your heart's content!'

"Anywhere with cable T.V. will be fine."

"How much for the couch without the potato?"

"I'll always love you just the way I am."

"Comfy?"

"You need the exercise, so I bought you a bigger remote."

'This looks good. It's a six-hour special on how society is becoming too sedentary.'

'Yes, it's a very interesting show, but we really need to talk about all the time you waste watching it - perhaps during the next commercial break.'

"What I don't understand is why people waste their time writing when they might not get published,."

John bought himself a new "Unfit" bracelet.

"I know that in these bad times nobody is hiring and workers are still being laid off, but what will be your excuse when the economy recovers?"

American Idle

"There's nothing wrong with me, I just really like this couch."

'Darling! This isn't a property programme at all! It's the view from our living room window..'

"Sorry, dear, but vowing NOT to climb Mount Everest this year isn't a valid New Year's resolution."