Couch Lover Gifts

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

'Seriously. You have to get one of these.'

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

"This sounds promising. . . dark brown hair, loyal, cuddly and good in bed."

"At our age I'd say we have about two or three binge watches left in us."

'I can't bear to be without you.'

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

Hugs 50 cents

"Just sitting here widening. You?"

Eventual Motion Machine

"Well, if I was ambitious, we'd have a nice house and more money, but I'd never be around."

"Thanks so much for letting me crash here, I really appreciate how unassertive you are."

'And now for the (Yawn!) morning report....'

The four freedoms: freedom to bark, freedom from fetching, freedom to sleep on any piece of furniture, freedom from leashes.

'Short brown hair. Very cuddly, good in bed.'

"Anywhere with cable T.V. will be fine."

"How much for the couch without the potato?"

"I'll always love you just the way I am."

"You need the exercise, so I bought you a bigger remote."

'Yes, it's a very interesting show, but we really need to talk about all the time you waste watching it - perhaps during the next commercial break.'

Leaning on a friend

"What I don't understand is why people waste their time writing when they might not get published,."

John bought himself a new "Unfit" bracelet.

"I know that in these bad times nobody is hiring and workers are still being laid off, but what will be your excuse when the economy recovers?"

"I don't want to sound simplistic, but I think a smaller couch with fewer throw pillows would help this marriage a lot."

'Darling! This isn't a property programme at all! It's the view from our living room window..'

"Sorry, dear, but vowing NOT to climb Mount Everest this year isn't a valid New Year's resolution."

American Idle