Couch Survivor Gifts

'Let's just see how long they can stay crouched behind the sofa.'

Low-Energy Drinks

Check your universal remote control at the door.

Excess Baggage: Fans of 'Deregulation' and the 'Free Market' probably have not had to buy a plane ticket recently.

"Lazy? I've been social-networking my ass off."

'I gotta admit it doc. . . My wife was right, a little time on the couch and I already feel better.'

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

'Are you just back from work or on your way to the office?'

'Don't look at me!'

'I don't trust him - he's got beady eyes.'

'Ah, business as usual.'

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

"Today let's work on changing channels, drinking with a mouthful of food, and yelling at the TV all at the same time."

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

"Well, do you want to buy this sofa or not? You've been on it for three days!"

'Son, you can cancel your plans to backpack across Europe after graduation. See? Your father put up the old pup tent instead!'

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

'Having him declawed was a total was a total waste of money.'

"These days, I'm mostly just legislating from the couch."

The Bronze Age of Television

Eventual Motion Machine

Edna's Couch and Breakfast.

Desert island has bottle bank and paper bank. Castaway sees message in bottle float towards island.

"Well, if I was ambitious, we'd have a nice house and more money, but I'd never be around."

"Why would I care of you scratch the couch? I'm not allowed on it..."

'Why would you need GPS? Have you suddenly forgotten how to get from the couch to the refrigerator?'

Are they dangerous? Only if I shut off the tv.

A slow-moving predator, the couch only needs to eat every few years.

'World Cup? Nobody told me there was a football match on!'

World Cup reactions

Hank had been asleep for hours, but amazingly his clicker finger kept going.

Bed and Breakfast and Couch and Coffee

"I like it – I'm just not sure it's what I want to rot on."

'Both benches have emptied, and now the brawl is spreading to the spectators!'

"How much for the couch without the potato?"