Couch Defender Gifts

'Having him declawed was a total was a total waste of money.'

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

"If you could be any Bob Dylan you wanted to, which Bob Dylan would you be?"

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"Bloody hell!"

TV-Man

Check your universal remote control at the door.

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'Me? Dislocated thumb from switching channels to catch all the Olympic events. . .'

'At least he isn't into drugs.'

"All of a dither as per usual!"

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

'What about you...you've been living here thirty years too?'

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

'What? I'm scratching the sofa! I'm not! And if I was? It's your fault!'

"China now says it will withdraw its opposition to the missile-defense shield if the F.B.I. builds it."

"Darling! We've become armchair socialites."

"I watched a Lassie marathon today and realized that I really need to step up my game."

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

"It was your father's idea - He can't bear to miss a second of the game."

'He's in training for the marathon, he watches it every year.'

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

'So, what's it gonna be? Are we gonna watch a good cop show tonight, or a bad cop show?'

'-but surely it's unusual to have nightmares with COMMERCIALS?'

"I want an instant replay of you taking out the garbage."

"Still judging people on stuff you could never do?"

"When did this game get started?"

Armchair quarterback/Armchair everything

"It's time to get the couch gutters cleaned again."