Couch Defender Gifts

'Having him declawed was a total was a total waste of money.'

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

"If you could be any Bob Dylan you wanted to, which Bob Dylan would you be?"

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"Bloody hell!"

Check your universal remote control at the door.

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

TV-Man

'Me? Dislocated thumb from switching channels to catch all the Olympic events. . .'

'At least he isn't into drugs.'

"All of a dither as per usual!"

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

"Tragic case of having the fridge from the TV when the World Cup is showing."

Captive Audience at the World Cup.

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

'What about you...you've been living here thirty years too?'

'Don't look at me!'

Hell No Kitty

'What? I'm scratching the sofa! I'm not! And if I was? It's your fault!'

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

"Darling! We've become armchair socialites."

"I watched a Lassie marathon today and realized that I really need to step up my game."

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

"China now says it will withdraw its opposition to the missile-defense shield if the F.B.I. builds it."

"It was your father's idea - He can't bear to miss a second of the game."

'He's in training for the marathon, he watches it every year.'

'-but surely it's unusual to have nightmares with COMMERCIALS?'

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

"What time is it?" "Half past World Cup."

'So, what's it gonna be? Are we gonna watch a good cop show tonight, or a bad cop show?'

"When did this game get started?"

'If you want a reality check, I'll have to see two pieces of I. D.'

"Still judging people on stuff you could never do?"

Armchair quarterback/Armchair everything

"Shouldn't you boys be out fighting crime somewhere?" "Yeah, yeah, whatever." "I could use another beer while you're up." "I ain't goin' on no airplane!" "Anyone pay the cable bill?" The A-Hole Team