Couch Advocate Gifts

"The preceding PBS program was funded by do-gooders...not by freeloaders like yourself."

"If you could be any Bob Dylan you wanted to, which Bob Dylan would you be?"

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"Bloody hell!"

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"All of a dither as per usual!"

'Me? Dislocated thumb from switching channels to catch all the Olympic events. . .'

'I gotta admit it doc. . . My wife was right, a little time on the couch and I already feel better.'

Captive Audience at the World Cup.

'Very well, I'll introduce you. Ego, meet ID. Now get back to work.'

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

"Tragic case of having the fridge from the TV when the World Cup is showing."

'John is watching the game under protest.'

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

'What about you...you've been living here thirty years too?'

'I don't trust him - he's got beady eyes.'

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

"Today let's work on changing channels, drinking with a mouthful of food, and yelling at the TV all at the same time."

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

'Son, you can cancel your plans to backpack across Europe after graduation. See? Your father put up the old pup tent instead!'

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

"I watched a Lassie marathon today and realized that I really need to step up my game."

"China now says it will withdraw its opposition to the missile-defense shield if the F.B.I. builds it."

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

"Darling! We've become armchair socialites."

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

"It was your father's idea - He can't bear to miss a second of the game."

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

"What time is it?" "Half past World Cup."

'-but surely it's unusual to have nightmares with COMMERCIALS?'

'If you want a reality check, I'll have to see two pieces of I. D.'

TV Watch(ing) Dog for sale.

Brighter days are ahead. I love it when I hear that in both news and weather segments of the program.

"When did this game get started?"