Counseling Couch Enthusiast Gifts

'Dr Freud, this isn't comfortable. Why don't you sit on that chair?' 'That's not a bad idea.'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"I recommend that you two find a way to spice up your shelf life."

'I gotta admit it doc. . . My wife was right, a little time on the couch and I already feel better.'

'Very well, I'll introduce you. Ego, meet ID. Now get back to work.'

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

"Stop blaming yourself. You loved, and dedicated so much of your time. Have you considered getting another cactus?"

'Mona Lisa, would it make you happy if I gave you a foot massage every night?'

"There! Now we're getting somewhere."

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

"Today let's work on changing channels, drinking with a mouthful of food, and yelling at the TV all at the same time."

The Common Sutra.

'Typical bloody man, you've no idea what loyalty means...it's just self, self...self!'

'Dear, the good doctor appears to have misplaced my file. Can you fax over your copy?'

Personal Relationship Counsellor

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

"The words 'complete screwball' are not in my vocabulary."

'First, I'll give you my side of the story...then, the wimp will give you his...'

"You just said, ‘And then I killed my first and second husbands.’ ... Let's explore that."

'So, when did you first realise that you fancied me rotten?'

'My wife doesn't understand me.'

Eventual Motion Machine

'I know we're supposed to be Lovebirds, but a bit of privacy from time to time would be nice...'

'It's not just his insane jealousy - he also insists on choosing all my clothes.'

"Well, if I was ambitious, we'd have a nice house and more money, but I'd never be around."

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

'It's all right. You're allowed to get up on this couch.'

'I thought being married to a rodeo clown would be more fun.'

Your Uncle Mort and Sadie are back from Canada. Are they still getting married? Yeah, but they're slowing things down. They're going to talk to someone about their problems. A counselor is always a good idea. They couldn't exactly afford a professional. He doesn't put the bathroom seat down.

"You need the exercise, so I bought you a bigger remote."

"How much for the couch without the potato?"

"I'll always love you just the way I am."

'Just because everyone applauded when you dropped your lunch tray in the cafeteria, doesn't mean that you should pursue a career in show business.'