Cosmic Investors Gifts

"I hear the Universe is expanding - set up a meeting with their people."

Boptimism

'The good news is we've discovered a vast new oil resource. The bad news is we need a space ship to get there.'

"You called me, boss?" "Yes, I overheard you talking to patrons about all the new planets we’ve found." "I want you to stop doing that." "At least until I’m done buying up as much of that real estate as I can. I don’t need any competitors driving up the prices." "Very bad man." "When the hipsters run out of cities to gentrify here, my properties on Gliese 581c are going to make a killing."

'Stocks plummeted on news of your demise.'

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

Big Bang For Your Buck Investments...Specializing in space technology.

'I sure wish there was a formula for picking the right mutual fund!'

"You have $3,098 in the bank? I'm impressed! So...do you think about investing it?"

'I invest in emerging markets.'

"Sadie, they found a planet orbiting Proxima Centauri. That makes way over 1,000 planets we've discovered in my lifetime." "It must be exciting for you, discovering there are 1,000 worlds full of people who can't possibly know what a doofus you are." "...Unless they've got telescopes." "It is exciting. Now I know how you must've felt when Oog the Caveman discovered Venus." "I see you're bringing what passes for your 'A-game' today."

'Houston, we have a problem.'

Portrait of Sigmund Freud

'To become ONE with the Universe, you must first become COMPLIANT with the Universe!'

"I'd like to explore the futures market."

'Good news! The stock market is about to explode upwards on...'

'Bill, we've decided to increase your sales territory.'

God changes the channel with his remote.

'If the universe is expanding, shouldn't we invest?'

"Hurry it up, Solomon Brothers are waiting for my decision"

Invested pot of gold in the stock market.

Investment firm: National division/International Division/Universal Division.

'Oh, you're from earth. Do you know Aaron Michaelson?'

"I don't know what it is, but it's big and I'm putting it on ebay!"

"You're part of the NASA Space Program! Really? I've heard that lame pick-up line sooo many times..."

'It's not that I'm opposed to globalization. I just want to take it one step further.'

'I tell you what, no more dates with Astronomers! What I thought would be a romantic walk under the stars ended up being a two-hour Physics lecture...'

"I'm thinking of investing. Do you invest?"

"You had me at sextile moon."

"Unitarian. You?"

The Devil and an angel talk by the water cooler.

"You have a really weird energy."