Cosmic Negotiators Gifts

"I hear the Universe is expanding - set up a meeting with their people."

'You think I'm crazy; I think you're crazy...finally some common ground!'

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

Changing Minds

Frank and Ernest Celestial Accountants. How's the audit of the Bankrupt Universe, Inc. going, Ernie? At first I thought it was a personnel problem -- Halley's Comet shows up once every seventy-six years, the supernovas are a bunch of burnouts and of course planet Mercury only works eighty-eight days a year. But the real problem isn't personnel, it's corporate strategy! Strategy? What's wrong? Universe, Inc. thinks it can keep expanding and expanding forever and ever!

"Oh, it's you, I'm glad I picked up.You wouldn't believe how many annoying telepathicmarketing calls I get."

We pay the maximum minimum wage.

A successful meeting! Only one member left in a rage shouting obcenities.

Iraqi Insurgents.

"If it gets tense in here I might need you to step up and BS-calate things."

"Oh, yeah? Well, we just put out a contract on you too!!!"

"Who do we talk to about buying your planet?"

"But it will never get better if you picket"

"We can do this the easy way, or we can do this the hard way."

"Call it wishful thinking, but I don't think this peace will last. . . ."

"Sadie, they found a planet orbiting Proxima Centauri. That makes way over 1,000 planets we've discovered in my lifetime." "It must be exciting for you, discovering there are 1,000 worlds full of people who can't possibly know what a doofus you are." "...Unless they've got telescopes." "It is exciting. Now I know how you must've felt when Oog the Caveman discovered Venus." "I see you're bringing what passes for your 'A-game' today."

Playing With Peace

'Sometimes it's good to get a different perspective.'

'What split would you settle for, fifty fifty?' - 'As long as I get the hyphen as well.'

'To become ONE with the Universe, you must first become COMPLIANT with the Universe!'

Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence. We received a communication fro Alpha Centauri, but it appears they just pocket dialed us.

Eagle attacking the Dove of Peace

"The aliens asked about music, too! With my help, they were able to reconstruct the most magical instrument on Earth!"

"My job is not as easy as it looks: You have to learn about astronomy and celestial mechanics to be able to accurately predict sunrise and sunset..."

When Euclid and Galileo get together they talk about parallel universes.

Unison plans strikes

'Damn it, he's lawyered up! By the time this works its way through the courts he'll be out of season!'

"Is there room for me?"

'Ready for your first lesson in negotiations?'

'Bill, we've decided to increase your sales territory.'

'Listen, I obeyed more or less 25% of your commandments. Don't you think that I deserve a promotion or at least a little raise for that?'

London underground talks continued

'Hi, Mom!'

Ok, I've set you up with an offshore back account, so you can hide your valuables for use after the oncoming apocalypse. You're too kind, sir. Where is it? Caymans? Switzerland? That's amateur stuff. The economy's increasingly global. When America goes down, it could take the Swiss and Cayman economies down with it. Then where – To open your account, I'll need your passport, tax returns, and a map of your genome. Bank of Deneb Prime. Trump turned me on to it.

"Be right in, I just brought my lucky chair."