Mystical Investor Gifts

"Beware start-ups with a negative cash flow."

Woman with crystal ball working at an investment company.

'Our funds have been underperforming, but don't worry. We're adding a soothsayer to our management team.'

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

'There is no past. No future. Only the present, which is changing every instant. Time is merely an illusion. Got it?'

"We need a market icon that reflects the ridiculous market conditions..."

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

'I want to find out what the formula was I wrote yesterday on the blackboard and was erased by the custodian.'

"These are magic beans, my boy. Their value comes from growth and scale, not revenue."

'I'm finally at one with the universe...but apparently that doesn't include the DOW.'

"Stocks edged lower on the news there's more to life than the accumulation of material things..."

'Some think we economic forecasters speak a lot of Mumbo Jumbo'

A voodoo doctor.

"OK, now what's the meaning of the other eight?"

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

'And then the bad man from the Securities and Exchange Commission and I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!'

"I give you the seven-billion dollar pup, then you give me back the seven-billion-dollar pup."

The Stock Market.

'You will be reincarnated as someone who undergoes past life regression.'

'Do you mind if I take the rest of my session to get your input on investor psychology?'

'I wonder if I can increase its range?'

Madame Zola - Bitcoin futures

'I believe in Santa Claus, and I believe in the guaranteed annual 10% return.'

'Good news! The stock market is about to explode upwards on...'

"It's your cat broker, Madame - he has a hot tip on a Siamese."

"Any kind of election is getting harder to call these days. . ."

'I can't take all the credit. My childhood imaginary friend picked a lot of my stocks.'

'This is better than magic beans, Jack. It's stock in the company that makes the magic beans.'

'If the universe is expanding, shouldn't we invest?'

"Hurry it up, Solomon Brothers are waiting for my decision"

fortune teller and credit card.

"I see you getting rich because of what the gold in your rings is now bringing."

"Will I pass the math test tomorrow, mom?"

"Brick, Eh? Well, sorry to blow your house down but these days it's not wise to be so invested in stability."