Mystical Market Analyst Gifts

I'll have your guidance on future earnings in a second.

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

Foreign Markets with Big Barriers

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

"DeepSeek" "Stargate"

At first I thought it was just coincidence, but then I realized it corresponded directly to your shift.

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

'Remember, an economic boom is usually followed by an economic kaboom,'

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.

"There's a lot of uncertainty out there these days. Or not. Who knows?"

...I wonder who started the rumour of your resignation?

"We're always excited to hear from analysts who are bullish on the market."

'Competition is good...unless it's too good.'

"Some guy by the name of Bernanke called in. He wants to try and make an emergency soft landing."

Pulling The Economy Uphill

"I tell you, I don't like the looks of it."

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

Travel looks strong!

'86.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

'Gentlemen-the sweets smell of success!'

"Lucky for you, you died during a bear market."

The two faces of capitalism.

Melissa's Mark Prediction Service

"Looks like the high tech shares have taken another fall."

Chinese Stock Market Crash

'So, they weren't interested in your Robin Hood tax then.'

'Some think we economic forecasters speak a lot of Mumbo Jumbo'

"It's not my fault! Tariffs on lemon imports have forced me to increase my prices."

"The key to success is knowing what people want. Too bad it isn't knowing what people don't want."

'I'm a 100% consistent investor. I buy bonds when I should buy stocks when I should buy bonds.'

'The crystal ball says to buy and the 8-Ball says to sell.'