Mystical Market Reader Gifts

'Damn! My portfolio took a dive!'

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

"There's a lot of uncertainty out there these days. Or not. Who knows?"

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

'Some think we economic forecasters speak a lot of Mumbo Jumbo'

Fairtale prosecutions.

Melissa's Mark Prediction Service

'I'm a 100% consistent investor. I buy bonds when I should buy stocks when I should buy bonds.'

'The crystal ball says to buy and the 8-Ball says to sell.'

'Come back in two months the meaning of life can change, depending if the market is bullish or bearish.'

Man sees 'Palm Readings and Stock Projections' business window

Profit Chart with Happy and Sad Faces.

The church of our lady of wall street.

"Where should we target our advertising dollars? "Hold on, I'm checking my website."

'You've got a degree in mathematics? Well, the economy isn't logical. It's about irrationality, superstition, gossip and pure luck. You need a degree in gambling and black magic.'

"Psst! I got mantras. You need a mantra? Mantras right here..."

"I once had a firm foothold in reality, but I found that it seriously undermined my ability to function as a financial market analyst."

"It's not a map of our new oil drilling sites--it's our stock price."

'Will I ever catch my tail?'

'Good news! The stock market is about to explode upwards on...'

'We're expecting stocks to rally but we don't know which ones and when.'

"Hurry it up, Solomon Brothers are waiting for my decision"

'Your shares are doing well... No wait, they're falling, no they're rising, no falling and rising...'

"I see you getting rich because of what the gold in your rings is now bringing."

'I'm here to test the magic 8-ball.'

'It's not what you buy. It's when you buy.'

'Good news! The stock market is about to explode upwards on . . .'

'No way am I kissing anyone who catches flies with his tongue!'

Davos Security

Crystal balls: 'We have three new models to choose from: Scam, Swindle and Extort.'

I'll have your guidance on future earnings in a second.

'It's the part of capitalism I don't like. What goes up must also go down.'

'What do you see in gold futures.'

Aura Ashley - Mediumwear.

'You look like an intelligent man, sir -- how would you like to buy some magic beans?'