Whimsical Investor Gifts

"Sell all my stocks and buy lots of old comic books instead!"

'This is better than magic beans, Jack. It's stock in the company that makes the magic beans.'

'I'm tired of people stealin' me gold so I put it all into Bitcoins.'

"Were those pots of gold in any kind of interest-bearing accounts?"

'And then the bad man from the Securities and Exchange Commission and I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!'

'I wonder if I can increase its range?'

'Can you be more specific? Are you pointing at IBM, IMCLONE, INTEL...?'

"Brick, Eh? Well, sorry to blow your house down but these days it's not wise to be so invested in stability."

'If these coins take root Sid, money really will grow on trees!'

"It's your cat broker, Madame - he has a hot tip on a Siamese."

'I can't take all the credit. My childhood imaginary friend picked a lot of my stocks.'

Financial advice books for boomers.

"We need a market icon that reflects the ridiculous market conditions..."

"Accounting tricks didn't work, so we had to resort to witchcraft."

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

Swan Fairy Tales

Lactose Intolerant

'Since I'm new here, let's start by clearning the air. You may have noticed that I'm short for a C.E.O. . .'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

'Are you made of sugar?'

Dogs and their thoughts

'Tastes like cherry kool-aid, what's it do?'

'You forgot to pay the gravity bill, didn't you?'

'Fetching is a good thing...but there can be TOO MUCH of a good thing.'

'They make remarkably clean pets.'

"His exercise wheel has lost all its fascination sinces he started reading Hemingway."

Giant using sheep as cotton buds

"Hawaiian hitchhiker."

"Yes, one is a dog."

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

The Shed Mystery: 'Ah! There you are! Ok, that's enough...time to go ho...uh...wait...what the...?'

"Why is there so much emphasis put on our stupid race?" "I think people are more interested in it as a metaphor than as an actual race." "Slow and steady wins the race, that sort of thing." "That would explain why I always lose..." "Bartender, another please." "Maybe you should slow down." "You never learn do you?"

"Scuba cow"

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."