Whimsical Stock Trader Gifts

'Oh my God, dog biscuits are down!'

Spring Training

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

Trojan Hurdler.

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

"Your long-range investments would have made you a very wealthy man."

"We need a market icon that reflects the ridiculous market conditions..."

'I think I've finally found a fixer-upper in your price range.'

Chicken - "The Dow is falling...the dow is falling..."

Exchange Rate Going Down the Plughole

The Contrarian funds

'Give me something that will restore my faith in Equities . . .'

'I thought time was supposed to be money!'

Man feeding fish banks with money, not food.

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

'It's like a bull market, only not as aggressive. It's more like a steer market.'

"Cold drinks" "Tesla stock"

'...But the good news is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

"I'll trade you my cupcake for your head lice."

'And then the bad man from the Securities and Exchange Commission and I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!'

'I can't believe it! This is when I sent out a company memo advocating a win-win philosophy.'

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

'Stocks gyrated today on news life is full of suprises.'

'Polly wants a Nasdaqer...Polly wants a Nasdaqer...'

Investments: We have locally grown stocks.

'I'm calling my invention 'IPO'.'

"This is a penny stock. This is a prime stock and this is a laughing stock."

'I wonder if I can increase its range?'

'Eddie, you've tried aggressive growth, multicaps, small caps, blue chips...now maybe it's time to try a support group for underperforming portfolios?'

'The action next week is going to be in bird seed, but if you quote me, I'll deny I said it.'