Cosmetic Chemistry Enthusiast Pillows

"May I say that's a lovely combination of cyclomethicone, triisostearin, and propylene carbonate you're wearing today, Dr. Thomas!"

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

"I want something that will make Richard Burton sit up and take notice."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"Has anyone seen the dog?"

The difference between cosmology and cosmetology.

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

"Too much concealer?"

"Whoa. Jeff. Looks like you got that job at the cosmetic testing lab."

'Be ready in a minute - just have to put on my face.'

For heavens sake,put some make-up on!

'Have you no common scents?!'

'I ask her to make up her mind. So she powders her forehead.'

'You're much better than my mom. You can hardly tell when she paints her face.'

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

"I don't like your application."

"Snow White swears by these 10 products for flawless beauty."

'Sure I'm late. . . I not only have to get ready for school. . . now I have to get ready in case some idiot takes my picture for YouTube.'

Hairy men taking advantage of the laser tag/laser hair removal combo package.

"Eternally youthful complexion? Here's the deal. Never go out in the sun. Never eat dessert. And, for God's sake, don't smile."

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

'Maybe a helium boob job wasn't such a good idea,babe!'

Why weren't we born rich instead of beautiful?

"Really? You can make me look younger!"

'This facial cream is called 'High Definition'...it brings out beauty in sharp, wonderful detail.'

'Ok. Now I'm sexy.'

'Maybe I should get a shopping cart.'

"I feel bad for the companies that make lipstick."

Have you got your make up on yet?

'You need to do something about your dry skin.'

"They've got me doing cosmetics research."

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

Your presentation will be terrific. I was up all night, but something's still missing. Here. I've got just what you need. How thoughtful! Eye concealer! No need to thank me.