Cosmetic Chemist Pillows

"Because I'm worth it"

"A Leading cosmetics company believes our drilling mud would ake an excellent skincare product."

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

Bad fake tan day.

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

"I want something that will make Richard Burton sit up and take notice."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

Meanwhile in Hollywood

"Too much concealer?"

"Whoa. Jeff. Looks like you got that job at the cosmetic testing lab."

'Be ready in a minute - just have to put on my face.'

'Have you no common scents?!'

'I ask her to make up her mind. So she powders her forehead.'

What price beauty?

"No, Doris, not implants!"

"I don't like your application."

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

'You're much better than my mom. You can hardly tell when she paints her face.'

"Pssst! I had some CGI done."

Hairy men taking advantage of the laser tag/laser hair removal combo package.

"Eternally youthful complexion? Here's the deal. Never go out in the sun. Never eat dessert. And, for God's sake, don't smile."

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

Do you think I'm sixty?

"I feel bad for the companies that make lipstick."

'Maybe a helium boob job wasn't such a good idea,babe!'

"Really? You can make me look younger!"

'Maybe I should get a shopping cart.'

Have you got your make up on yet?

"He wants to be a plastic surgeon when he grows up."