Cosmetician Pillows

'Bradley is a strict vegetarian. Do you have broccoli flavored lipstick?'

'Barbers without borders'

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

Bad fake tan day.

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"I want something that will make Richard Burton sit up and take notice."

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

Meanwhile in Hollywood

"Too much concealer?"

'Be ready in a minute - just have to put on my face.'

For heavens sake,put some make-up on!

'Have you no common scents?!'

'Wrinkles can't breathe in mud.'

'I ask her to make up her mind. So she powders her forehead.'

"Pssst! I had some CGI done."

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

"I don't like your application."

'You're much better than my mom. You can hardly tell when she paints her face.'

What price beauty?

"No, Doris, not implants!"

Hairy men taking advantage of the laser tag/laser hair removal combo package.

"Eternally youthful complexion? Here's the deal. Never go out in the sun. Never eat dessert. And, for God's sake, don't smile."

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

"He wants to be a plastic surgeon when he grows up."

Do you think I'm sixty?

Have you got your make up on yet?

Why weren't we born rich instead of beautiful?

"Really? You can make me look younger!"

'Maybe a helium boob job wasn't such a good idea,babe!'