Cosmetician Pillows

'Bradley is a strict vegetarian. Do you have broccoli flavored lipstick?'

'Barbers without borders'

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

Bad fake tan day.

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

"I want something that will make Richard Burton sit up and take notice."

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

The difference between cosmology and cosmetology.

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

"Too much concealer?"

Meanwhile in Hollywood

'Be ready in a minute - just have to put on my face.'

For heavens sake,put some make-up on!

'Have you no common scents?!'

'I ask her to make up her mind. So she powders her forehead.'

'Wrinkles can't breathe in mud.'

What price beauty?

"Pssst! I had some CGI done."

"I don't like your application."

'You're much better than my mom. You can hardly tell when she paints her face.'

'Sure I'm late. . . I not only have to get ready for school. . . now I have to get ready in case some idiot takes my picture for YouTube.'

"No, Doris, not implants!"

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

Hairy men taking advantage of the laser tag/laser hair removal combo package.

"Eternally youthful complexion? Here's the deal. Never go out in the sun. Never eat dessert. And, for God's sake, don't smile."

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

'Maybe a helium boob job wasn't such a good idea,babe!'

'Maybe I should get a shopping cart.'

"He wants to be a plastic surgeon when he grows up."

Have you got your make up on yet?