Cosmetology Pillows

"Who's the fairest? Thanks to Magic Mirror Sunscreen, now anyone can be."

A pod of bleached whales,

Botox pump outside a cosmetology clinic.

"Fixing bad dye jobs was my specialty in cosmetology school. Too bad after all those years, I perfected just one style..."

"Tia Carmen, you used to work in a beauty shop, didn't you?"

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"I want something that will make Richard Burton sit up and take notice."

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

Meanwhile in Hollywood

"Whoa. Jeff. Looks like you got that job at the cosmetic testing lab."

"Too much concealer?"

'Be ready in a minute - just have to put on my face.'

'Have you no common scents?!'

'I ask her to make up her mind. So she powders her forehead.'

'You're much better than my mom. You can hardly tell when she paints her face.'

"Pssst! I had some CGI done."

What price beauty?

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

"No, Doris, not implants!"

"I don't like your application."

Hairy men taking advantage of the laser tag/laser hair removal combo package.

"Eternally youthful complexion? Here's the deal. Never go out in the sun. Never eat dessert. And, for God's sake, don't smile."

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

'Maybe I should get a shopping cart.'

"He wants to be a plastic surgeon when he grows up."

'Maybe a helium boob job wasn't such a good idea,babe!'

"Really? You can make me look younger!"

Have you got your make up on yet?

Do you think I'm sixty?