Cosmetology Pillows

"Who's the fairest? Thanks to Magic Mirror Sunscreen, now anyone can be."

A pod of bleached whales,

Botox pump outside a cosmetology clinic.

Frank & Ernest. Signe Painted. Cosmetology Dept. That should be "cosmology"! Why do you always get those two confused? I always think the one about space should have an "et" in it.

Do you have hair, um, rinses that look natural? Of course! So that no one notices? Ahem! Oh, right

Great job on the color! Thanks. It looks totally natural. Hi, Twig! Hey. Success! She didn't notice. "Mom dyed her hair with Gatorade."

"Fixing bad dye jobs was my specialty in cosmetology school. Too bad after all those years, I perfected just one style..."

"Tia Carmen, you used to work in a beauty shop, didn't you?"

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

"I want something that will make Richard Burton sit up and take notice."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

The difference between cosmology and cosmetology.

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

"Too much concealer?"

Meanwhile in Hollywood

"Whoa. Jeff. Looks like you got that job at the cosmetic testing lab."

'Be ready in a minute - just have to put on my face.'

'Have you no common scents?!'

'I ask her to make up her mind. So she powders her forehead.'

'You're much better than my mom. You can hardly tell when she paints her face.'

"No, Doris, not implants!"

'Sure I'm late. . . I not only have to get ready for school. . . now I have to get ready in case some idiot takes my picture for YouTube.'

"Pssst! I had some CGI done."

What price beauty?

"I don't like your application."

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

Hairy men taking advantage of the laser tag/laser hair removal combo package.

"Eternally youthful complexion? Here's the deal. Never go out in the sun. Never eat dessert. And, for God's sake, don't smile."

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."