Corsair Crooner Gifts

'He's murder on the high C's.'

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

'You do a passable Jerry Lewis, but your Frank Sinatra stinks.'

Turkey Autopsy

Bryan Ferry

Toothless Rocker, "Oi, play the guitar with your own teeth !"

Bashful in Nashville

'...and I only have eyes, for ewe...'

"If Sinatra had eaten here he'd have loved it."

'I can't write cheating songs because my wife's too insecure.'

"According to stomach content analysis he'll be dead in half an hour."

'Woke up this morning found someone had stolen my guitar...'

Singer in a boat disturbing the fish.

Morgue - "Welcome to 'Celebrity Autopsy'"

"This next song's about spreading risk in a volitile market by diversification"

Turkey Autopsy

"I see you naked. A beautiful young woman is leaning over you... Oh, hang on. She's performing your autopsy."

"I came all the way from Alabama just to see you, Susanna. Why in tarnation are you cryin'?"

'Confirming the belief that music and math are related, I will now sing some lovely French equations.'

"Curiosity."

Cause of death: Just one of those things.

Autopsy Room / a banana autopsy room.

'The records show, I took the blows and did it, the way of whatever sheep happened to be in my way.'

This'n song here, "She Done Me Wrong 'n' That Ain't Right," goes out to my high school english teacher.

You Shall Know Us by Our Priorities

'Old blue-screen's back!'

" . . . the victim was slowly roasted until golden brown and then. . . Oh my gawd! Stuffed with bread and savory herbs and spices!"

'It's a cursor.'

"I just love take-out."

'Cause of death is still unknown. We hope to learn more once he's dead'

Dolly Parton

Rhinestone Accountant

Frank Sinatra

"I'd like to sing some songs from the great American songbook, I'll start with the Dead Kennedys. . ."