Corporate Savior Gifts

'I'm a private equity manager. I'm more of a rescuer of businesses.'

"These aren't 'just' tattoos. They logos of all the companies I've rescued from bankruptcy."

"It got so bad that had to bring Jones in to turn things around."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

The Audacity of Fake Environmental Hope

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'Calling Tech Support does NOT count as one of my wishes!'

In and Out Tray

"Bill's a little upset. The boss just chewed him out."

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

"My career's in shreds, but on the bright side, so are my files."

'This is Harris, he's been with the firm some 45 years!'

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'

'He's been brought in to save the company.'

The Buck Never Stops.

"Not much. Just enjoying my post-lunch bounce."

Between Offices

"Help! I'm surrounded by idiots."

"Thank God! Someone to network with!"

"How have you managed to keep your job?"

'Mr. McCoy has been expecting you. If you'll have a seat, he should be with you within the next 6 hours.'

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

"Monday is too far from Friday. Yet Friday is too close to Monday."

'My poor darling! Did your boss put you under pressure again?'

Anti stress week: For God sake don't miss it!!

"When I got laid off, the corporation enlisted me in the army."

'I hear they're letting you go. Your family must have paid the ransom.'

"It's safe to close your eyes and relax...these meetings are safety equipped with front and side airbags."

'FIre me and you're in big trouble. I'm on the endangered species list!'

"Thankfully, this year, the results can be attributed to something other than our own gross incompetence."

"I don't know how you do it. If I had your job, I'd go nuts."