Corporate Conspiracy Theorist Gifts

Pricelessly Boring

"Don't try to tell me you never so much as guessed that I might be running this corporation!"

The Anti-Agent

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

Boss's Desk Says No!

The Solar System (after deregulation)

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

Secret footage from Roswell, shows an alien and debris from a crashed UFO

"One more time, Mr Claus - who sold you the data?"

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

Santa, Alien, Easter Bunny and Sasquatch plan the perfect caper.

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

Born In Captivity.

BBC - Crisis Management, Damage Control and Liability Supervision.

'Being offshored isn't exactly what I expected.'

William Shakespeare a.k.a. Francis Bacon, Earl of Essex....

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

Another day at work would be one too many...

The Circular Logic of Fascism

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

'Do you want to tell them their department is being downsized again, or should I?'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

'Your videotape's intriguing - But it still doesn't prove that they really exist.'

"You can all unroll yourselves now. We're heading back up."

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."