Conspiracy Theorist Gifts

"I have a feeling they are going to treat us like dirt."

"Meet Elvis?? Sorry, but they were right. . . He's alive and well on Earth!"

An agenda is eaten by a hidden agenda.

"First of all, this meeting never happened."

'We have some facts about you that you don't remember, some that you thought were really secret, and some that never even happened.'

'You must be the tenth doctor who's told me I'm suffering from paranoia. What is this, some kind of conspiracy?'

'Are you sure this photo is of us? It looks like a couple of floating logs to me.'

"One more time, Mr Claus - who sold you the data?"

"These targeted ads make me feel like I'm being watched..."

"Publicly, we're still saying there are no side effects."

"And now, to work you up into a froth of hate, hysteria, panic, and uncertainty, the news."

'The Existential Files.'

"Get closer together, closer together."

'This call may be monitored and added to our endless metadata for no apparent reason.'

"I'd just like to know how these crazy rumors get started."

'Come now. It doesn't mean you're not important just because you've never been wiretapped.'

"No, I'm not backing up our files–I'm just assuming that the F.B.I. is making copies."

'In today's economy, it's important to put some of your money under you mattress and bury some in backyard...'

"My fax, e-mail, and voice mail are plotting against me!"

"Mr. Harrison already sees you."

'Doctor, before you meet the press to explain your theory about space aliens communicating with us, maybe you should take the tin foil off of your head.'

'The government said a full report would be released by an anonymous source at a shadow agency in an undisclosed location....'

Crony Capitalism (Always Follow the Money Trail)

Domestic Spying.

'Hey, I left my Top Secret Codebook on the subway. Can I get another one?'

Desert Isle CCTV

"Whatever happened to collective responsibility?"

We're all part of a giant evil experiment.

'The FDA hasn't approved these pills yet, but the CIA swears by them!'

Paranoid scientists.

An alien tries to hitch a lift at the side of the road

Conspiracy theorist

"I just hope people in the future are, like, 'What the hell are these things?' "

How They Built Stonehenge

"First, I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."