Conspiracy Theorist Pillows

"I have a feeling they are going to treat us like dirt."

"Meet Elvis?? Sorry, but they were right. . . He's alive and well on Earth!"

An agenda is eaten by a hidden agenda.

"First of all, this meeting never happened."

'We have some facts about you that you don't remember, some that you thought were really secret, and some that never even happened.'

'You must be the tenth doctor who's told me I'm suffering from paranoia. What is this, some kind of conspiracy?'

'Are you sure this photo is of us? It looks like a couple of floating logs to me.'

"These targeted ads make me feel like I'm being watched..."

"Publicly, we're still saying there are no side effects."

'The Existential Files.'

"I'd just like to know how these crazy rumors get started."

"Get closer together, closer together."

'Come now. It doesn't mean you're not important just because you've never been wiretapped.'

'This call may be monitored and added to our endless metadata for no apparent reason.'

"Mr. Harrison already sees you."

"No, I'm not backing up our files–I'm just assuming that the F.B.I. is making copies."

'Doctor, before you meet the press to explain your theory about space aliens communicating with us, maybe you should take the tin foil off of your head.'

'In today's economy, it's important to put some of your money under you mattress and bury some in backyard...'

"My fax, e-mail, and voice mail are plotting against me!"

"I just hope people in the future are, like, 'What the hell are these things?' "

Desert Isle CCTV

'Hey, I left my Top Secret Codebook on the subway. Can I get another one?'

Conspiracy theorist

'The FDA hasn't approved these pills yet, but the CIA swears by them!'

Domestic Spying.

"Whatever happened to collective responsibility?"

Crony Capitalism (Always Follow the Money Trail)

'The government said a full report would be released by an anonymous source at a shadow agency in an undisclosed location....'

Paranoid scientists.

An alien tries to hitch a lift at the side of the road

The Mystery Deepens

'Stupid aliens. We should switch tags and screw up their research.'

"This committee was set up to establish the truth, and then replace it with a lie we can all live with."

Irrefutable Evidence.

"First, I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."