Conspiracy Theorist Humorist Gifts

'This whole 'grandparent' thing -- it's our parents and children conspiring against us!'

The Anti-Agent

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

The Solar System (after deregulation)

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

Intelligent people laugh too!

"Gee, thanks pal."

Secret footage from Roswell, shows an alien and debris from a crashed UFO

"Frankly, I can't wait until I evolve into a bird..."

"One more time, Mr Claus - who sold you the data?"

"Je suis Descartes, donc, je pense."

Scarcity

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

Archimedes statue with a lever

Santa, Alien, Easter Bunny and Sasquatch plan the perfect caper.

The Circular Logic of Fascism

William Shakespeare a.k.a. Francis Bacon, Earl of Essex....

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

'Your videotape's intriguing - But it still doesn't prove that they really exist.'

Chemist builds animals instead of molecular models

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"Walt Disney on ice."

New Road Signs to Watch For:

Here's the Weird Anti-Terrorist Trash Talk That Stayed on Donald Trump's Cutting Room Floor After the Manchester Attack

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

Alien Assumption

"My latest sighting turned out to be just another weather balloon."

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

Optimist

Crony Capitalism (Always Follow the Money Trail)

"You're calling it love, but it's really just static electricity."