Tech Conspiracy Theorist Gifts

I rented a car from Hertz the other day, and there was a camera in it. Really? Someone forgot their camera? No, I mean in the dashboard. There was a little camera pointed at me. I have no idea who or what was watching me. Maybe it was Hertz. Maybe it was the NSA. Maybe it was for American Idol auditions. To cover all my bases, I sang the Star-Spangled Banner the whole drive. I'm never renting from Hertz again.

"Wow, grandma. What big video surveillance files you uploaded of me on my way to your house."

"With all the hacking going on, it sure looks like a Russian spy-drone to me."

The Anti-Agent

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

Secret footage from Roswell, shows an alien and debris from a crashed UFO

"One more time, Mr Claus - who sold you the data?"

The Circular Logic of Fascism

William Shakespeare a.k.a. Francis Bacon, Earl of Essex....

Santa, Alien, Easter Bunny and Sasquatch plan the perfect caper.

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

'Before you can enter, you need to punch in the verification code so we can be certain that you're a real soul,'

'Your videotape's intriguing - But it still doesn't prove that they really exist.'

"That recruitment algorithm we’ve been using, I think we need to revisit it!"

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"My latest sighting turned out to be just another weather balloon."

New Road Signs to Watch For:

"Walt Disney on ice."

I.T. Fear

Alien Assumption

Crony Capitalism (Always Follow the Money Trail)

'Tech stocks dropped on the finding that technology isn't neccessarily the best solution to everything.'

"Check the setting. I'm sure the CIA isn't hacking into our appliances just to burn your toast."

The Da Vinci Cod

"And may I now introduce Professor Muckenspucker, who is an authority on artificial stupidity."

"Do you think the flat earth society has members round the globe?"

"No, Mother, I don't think Julian Assange is going to leak your recipe for fruitcake."

"Now you can send it."

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

Computer Class.

Gremlins 47

'To paraphrase Franklin Delano Roosevelt: The only thing we have to fear is the NSA, FBI, CIA, DEA, IRS, DIA, EPA, FTC, FCC...'

Ask Sadie Advice Hour. What's your problem?! I don't want to vaccinate my kids. But my husband does. What do I do? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time Mother Cohen and Father Cohen were arguing about vaccinating us kids. Father Cohen accused her of being a pawn of the Illuminati's attempt to use diphtheria to mutate us into ape-people. Mother Cohen accused him of being anti-Darwinian. That's when Father Cohen brought up her illicit fling with Chuck Darwin, and all heck broke loose. Um