Corporate Commentary Lover Gifts

'And instead of a golden parachute, we give you a rusty umbrella.'

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

'Yes, can I help you?'

'We feel it's very important to provide our employees with an extremely comfortable work-place environment. Primarily because we don't allow them to ever go home.'

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

'Due to cutbacks, he lost his company vehicle, so he has to improvise.'

"I suggest we start with the low hanging fruit."

Please bring me a few sharpened pencils and some lucrative business.

"It lost a little something in translation."

'What's wrong? Think the walls have ears?'

"Here's some of my work for you to do. It should be a refreshing change...for me."

"Spoiler alert! I'm about to tell you the part that really bugged me about 'Wolverine.'" "You don't have to say 'spoiler alert,' minion. It's been a month." "Anyone who hasn't seen it yet has not fulfilled their role as a dutiful consumer, and deserves whatever spoilage they will receive." "In fact, let me know who they are and I'll enter them into my database. When the corporatist revolution comes, there will be consequences." "Um... never mind."

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

Office meeting

Miniature Design Shop: Think Small.

In and Out Sourced.

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

"I can't decide who gets the promotion, so we'll settle it with a rope toy Tug O' War."

'I treat everyone here the same as my family. . . like s**t.'

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

'Tesco's cheif executive meets with staff.'

"Comparing our salaries with the workers' salaries makes me cry...with laughter!"