Corporate Commentaries Gifts

"The beatings will continue until the morale improves!"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'That's our mission statement.'

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

'I give this one about three months...'

"...But of course we'll still be friends on Facebook!"

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

XYZ Inc, putting a folksy, human face on unfettered corporate greed for over 50 years.

Desk plaque: 'P. Burnside, Upper-Echelon Nincompoop'

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

"The Supreme Court says a corporation is a 'person?' Well, have you ever tried to take a corporation out for a nice, friendly beer?"

'What kind of a mission statement is that?'

"Brandon isn't adapting well to the open office concept."

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

Suggestions box in a toilet.

Corporate Ethics Department, how may I help you?

"Progress is going around in the same circle...but faster."

"I think he's overreacting a little when it comes to controlling his employees."

"When we changed the company name, the stocks went through the roof!"

'The question is - to what level of data do we wish to stoop.'