Corporate Commentators Gifts

"Your transfer comes with a bonus - 40 acres and a mule."

See how silly it was to worry about a computer replacing me? My job was outsourced overseas.

'His dad must be an oil executive. He's wearing double-hulled diapers.'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'That's our mission statement.'

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

"It's Swamp & Swallow - they're making an offer we can't refuse!"

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

'I give this one about three months...'

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

XYZ Inc, putting a folksy, human face on unfettered corporate greed for over 50 years.

Desk plaque: 'P. Burnside, Upper-Echelon Nincompoop'

"The Supreme Court says a corporation is a 'person?' Well, have you ever tried to take a corporation out for a nice, friendly beer?"

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

'The recession is over, again.'

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

"Brandon isn't adapting well to the open office concept."

Suggestions box in a toilet.

"Well, if you hadn't misfiled it in the first place it wouldn't have been lost."

"I think he's overreacting a little when it comes to controlling his employees."

"When we changed the company name, the stocks went through the roof!"

"Progress is going around in the same circle...but faster."