Corporate Commentators Gifts

"Your transfer comes with a bonus - 40 acres and a mule."

See how silly it was to worry about a computer replacing me? My job was outsourced overseas.

'His dad must be an oil executive. He's wearing double-hulled diapers.'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'That's our mission statement.'

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

"It's Swamp & Swallow - they're making an offer we can't refuse!"

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

'I give this one about three months...'

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

XYZ Inc, putting a folksy, human face on unfettered corporate greed for over 50 years.

Desk plaque: 'P. Burnside, Upper-Echelon Nincompoop'

'The recession is over, again.'

"The Supreme Court says a corporation is a 'person?' Well, have you ever tried to take a corporation out for a nice, friendly beer?"

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

'What kind of a mission statement is that?'

"Brandon isn't adapting well to the open office concept."

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

Suggestions box in a toilet.

"Progress is going around in the same circle...but faster."

"Well, if you hadn't misfiled it in the first place it wouldn't have been lost."