Corporate Life Commentators Gifts

"Thank you for waiting. We appreciate your patience. If at any time you feel you need a more sincere and meaningful apology, please press one."

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

Large Dollar Sign Office Block

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

Storm in the out tray

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

'They sold the company in 2001? I was wondering why things were slow.'

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

Working hours.

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

'Salaries Manager. No.'

"I'm feeling completely wiped out."

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

"I'll wait a moment for everyone's energy drink to kick in."

'Who folded the annual report into a paper airplane?'

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

'How many times have I told to seize the day before it seizes you?'

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

Born In Captivity.

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

Busy Workload Today and Especially Tomorrow

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"My report to the board was perfect. They did not understand a word of it and now think I'm smarter than them."