Corporate Culture Commentarian Gifts

'If you fail to meet your target, you'll lose your Internet privileges for a week.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

Spot the difference.

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

Lethal Presentation

"Read our contracts, Ms Donahue. It says 'No Sexual Harassment on the workfloor!'"

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"Leadership is all about knowing who to delegate responsibility for all your mistakes."

'The portrait is a mark of his extreme egotism, but, if you curtsy and bow sufficiently...say, 'Oh Yes Sir!'!, to everything he says, you should do OK'

Satya Nutella

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

'No matter how cynical I become, I can't keep up.'

'You earned this corner office by cutting corners...'

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

'Miss Pym, we've made a smaller loss than last year, order me a much larger desk.'

"It's o.k., come on out."

"...But of course we'll still be friends on Facebook!"

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

'Before we starnt, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'