Corporate Commentator Gifts

There are better responses to 'change' than running around the office screaming 'We're doomed!'

"I liked it better when you used gobbledygook."

"Gentlemen: This is a follow-up on our recent Christmas card."

'I'm giving you a praise. It's not a raise but it will look good on your evaluation.'

'Ageism at work'

'Never roll your eyes while the boss is talking.'

'The only thing worse than this sensitivity training course is that tie of yours.'

'Norton, couldn't you have taken care of that before the meeting?'

'Remember, Junior, in business, you're nobody until somebody loathes you.'

"While this is by no means an admission of guilt we would like to settle out of court for 78 trillion dollars."

'I wouldn't worry about the retirement plan. You'd have to be out of your mind to work here that long.'

"But this is what sexual harassment has cost us."

'Our big boss is one of the most underpaid CEOs. He only makes 150 times what we're paid.'

'Tesco's cheif executive meets with staff.'

Labor Day

'Public companies' balancing 'Profits' and 'Philanthropy'.

'It is my department, but I still won't help you.'

'Eye contact is very important because you never want to turn your back to them.'

'As we all know, the appearance of honesty is the best policy....'

Even if you're presdient of a corporation, you're still just the president of a corporation.'

Smoking in office cubicles.

"Since when is malicious, meanspirited and possibly criminal behavior considered unacceptable."

Wall Street: Doing more with much more. Main Street: do more with less.

Corporate Culture vs. Corporate Nature.

"...And those against say 'meh'."

Suggestion Box.

"This is a work station, Jackson!"

'When I said you were a vital cog, I meant CLOG.'

"Like Facebook, I have also changed our company name so that it will be more clear and transparent to our customers who we are and what we do."

"A democratic socialist, eh? Terrible. Give me a self-enriching corporatists any day."

This is Perkins, one of my foot soldiers.

"The boss will see you now."

"How long until the CEO notices the massive changes we've brought to the company?"

'Money isn't everything...but it should be.'

"Brad? That man would give you the shirt off his back--as long as he had another one on underneath."