Business Commentator Gifts

'Quick, Henson - seal the exits, call the police and get a pathologist in here to determine the exact time he left the payroll!'

"I don’t get it, Jenkins. What are they getting right about employee morale over at the toy factory that we here at JG & Sons Puppy Coffins are getting wrong?"

'We've decided to relocate you to our office in the Far East, where you'll work in sweatshop conditions for a pittance.'

"Dear, what the name of that company I'm the CEO of again?"

"I just discovered where the company's money is going. Since when did we start paying our employees?"

"DeepSeek" "Stargate"

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

The Shrinking Dollar.

"In a further effort to increase profits, control costs and satisfy shareholders, we've decided to steal stuff."

'The recession is over, again.'

'It says our line printer is obsolete our remote terminal is obsolete, and I'm afraid, we're obsolete.'

You can fool some of the people all of the time - "Send in some of the people, Dorothy."

"Shankar, I needed someone to dot the 'I's' and cross the 'T's' but that was before there was ChatGPT."

'Enter His Royal Globalness...'

"You realize, of course, that I'll have to make a big show of having security escort you out."

'The bad news is that our company is bankrupt. The good news is that we're only morally bankrupt.'

'If your boss is so dumb, daddy, why did he hire you?'

"Miss Jones, bring me into the 21st century..."

"I liked it better when you used gobbledygook."

'I wouldn't worry about the retirement plan. You'd have to be out of your mind to work here that long.'

"I'm not the responsible party. I have people for that."

'Next on 'evening shouting match'...is it a bull or bear market?'

"Old economy, new economy - some things never change."

'It's a demonstration by retired CEOs who refuse to give up their bonuses.'

"Since when did economists become sociologists?!"

Cold drinks, candy and corporate buyouts.

"We're going to have a post-flood economy to deal with."

'Never roll your eyes while the boss is talking.'

'Stocks gyrated today on news life is full of suprises.'

'As we all know, the appearance of honesty is the best policy....'

"Brodkin, now that the economy is creating jobs at a faster than expected clip, why don't you go out and find yourself one?"

Suggestion Box.

Bureau of Inflation.

"Budget Cuts."