Coroner Gifts

"Was the coroner able to establish the cause of death constable?"

"Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl..."

Cause of death: Just one of those things.

'Cause of death is still unknown. We hope to learn more once he's dead'

"There are many questions, of course, that won't be answered till the autopsy."

Bored at the City Morgue.

'Better call the coroner, Mahoney... I can't tell if this is a homicide or some sicko's idea of romance.'

Turkey Autopsy

'It appears he was popped.'

'The test results are in and I just lost a $300 bet with the coroner.'

'Damn it Monroe! I told you to finish the stock taking!!'

'It appears he caught his tie. Let's mark this one down as a victim of fashion.'

"Yep, I'm pretty sure curiosity was involved."

"Some trainees find the post-mortem an eviscerating experience but you'll get used to it."

'The witch is dead.'

'At least he died with a smile on his face.'

'Yep, his face is beyond recognition but that's my Charlie for certain.'

The abbreviationally challenged...

"He just loves his cute little postmortem doll!"

'Why, no, I don't have any nail clippers on me. Just do like I do, and use your teeth.'

Morgue Waiting Room.

'Cause of death: Acute, sudden dehydration secondary to moisture-wicking undergarments.'

"Kitty Kins enjoys the little nibbles I take him home."

"We see a lot of these this time of year."

'Are you sure it is to be delivered to this floor?'

'He didn't have any alcohol in his system when he crashed his car, but he didn't have any glucose either.'

In the coroner's office: 'Jesus!...Have you farted?!'

Autopsy Room / a banana autopsy room.

'For the last time, Timpkins---will you stop messing with the near death experiment patients?!'

'Hold it! This cadaver has a footnote.'

Suitcases in an alligator morgue.

"I see you naked. A beautiful young woman is leaning over you... Oh, hang on. She's performing your autopsy."

"The test results were inconclusive, we should know more after the autopsy."

"... Well, I don't know what's wrong with you. We'll just have to wait and see what the coroner says."

"We've come to collect the leftovers from the meal you cooked last night. It's for the autopsy..."