Coroner T-Shirts

"Was the coroner able to establish the cause of death constable?"

Cause of death: Just one of those things.

'Cause of death is still unknown. We hope to learn more once he's dead'

"There are many questions, of course, that won't be answered till the autopsy."

'Better call the coroner, Mahoney... I can't tell if this is a homicide or some sicko's idea of romance.'

Bored at the City Morgue.

'It appears he caught his tie. Let's mark this one down as a victim of fashion.'

"Some trainees find the post-mortem an eviscerating experience but you'll get used to it."

"Yep, I'm pretty sure curiosity was involved."

'Damn it Monroe! I told you to finish the stock taking!!'

Turkey Autopsy

'The test results are in and I just lost a $300 bet with the coroner.'

'It appears he was popped.'

"We see a lot of these this time of year."

'Hold it! This cadaver has a footnote.'

"The test results were inconclusive, we should know more after the autopsy."

'Why, no, I don't have any nail clippers on me. Just do like I do, and use your teeth.'

"Kitty Kins enjoys the little nibbles I take him home."

'Cause of death: Acute, sudden dehydration secondary to moisture-wicking undergarments.'

'Are you sure it is to be delivered to this floor?'

'He didn't have any alcohol in his system when he crashed his car, but he didn't have any glucose either.'

"I see you naked. A beautiful young woman is leaning over you... Oh, hang on. She's performing your autopsy."

Suitcases in an alligator morgue.

In the coroner's office: 'Jesus!...Have you farted?!'

Autopsy Room / a banana autopsy room.

'For the last time, Timpkins---will you stop messing with the near death experiment patients?!'

Morgue Waiting Room.

"He just loves his cute little postmortem doll!"

'Yep, his face is beyond recognition but that's my Charlie for certain.'

"Stomach content analysis shows that he was still alive when we opened his stomach."

"Paper or plastic?"

"It appears the water pressue on the bidet misfired and she blew up like a pufferfish..."

"Okay, I'll see what I can do about getting a copy of the autopsy."

"... Well, I don't know what's wrong with you. We'll just have to wait and see what the coroner says."

"Stomach content analysis shows the onions were sauteed after the pork was added but before adding the fennel."