Corkscrew Critic Gifts

I like a screw-cap for the convenience, but I like a cork for

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

"If you could be any Bob Dylan you wanted to, which Bob Dylan would you be?"

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"Bloody hell!"

"All of a dither as per usual!"

I've decided to shift down a few gears.'

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

'Too pricey? Perhaps you wish to see something in macaroni and spray paint?'

'What about you...you've been living here thirty years too?'

"China now says it will withdraw its opposition to the missile-defense shield if the F.B.I. builds it."

"I watched a Lassie marathon today and realized that I really need to step up my game."

"Darling! We've become armchair socialites."

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

Long Corkscrew

'-but surely it's unusual to have nightmares with COMMERCIALS?'

Brighter days are ahead. I love it when I hear that in both news and weather segments of the program.

Armchair quarterback/Armchair everything

'If you want a reality check, I'll have to see two pieces of I. D.'

"Of course it's not easy to read the body language of someone who's basically inert."

The New Square Mile Regulator.

'I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was busy critiquing your outfit?'

"God, I love this show!"

TV Watch(ing) Dog for sale.

"Still judging people on stuff you could never do?"

Bottle Opener Strikes A Red Wine Well

Urban Expansion

Emotional Baggage Handler

"I can't wait till after the election when everything will be perfect."

"Damn the Uris brothers, damn the Tishmans, damn Zeckendorf...."

'Here, you're allowed to sharpen your claws to your heart's content!'

"... And how long have you had this total fixation with T.V.?"

Marriage counselor: 'I say he's a couch po-tah-toe, and he says, couch po-taa-toe!'

'A new study of people who watch television all the time reveals some shocking facts....'

'No thanks; can't handle caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, or number six birdshot.'