Corkscrew Critic T-Shirts

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

"If you could be any Bob Dylan you wanted to, which Bob Dylan would you be?"

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"Bloody hell!"

I've decided to shift down a few gears.'

"All of a dither as per usual!"

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

'Too pricey? Perhaps you wish to see something in macaroni and spray paint?'

'What about you...you've been living here thirty years too?'

Long Corkscrew

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

"I watched a Lassie marathon today and realized that I really need to step up my game."

"Darling! We've become armchair socialites."

"China now says it will withdraw its opposition to the missile-defense shield if the F.B.I. builds it."

'-but surely it's unusual to have nightmares with COMMERCIALS?'

'If you want a reality check, I'll have to see two pieces of I. D.'

'I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was busy critiquing your outfit?'

"Still judging people on stuff you could never do?"

The New Square Mile Regulator.

"Of course it's not easy to read the body language of someone who's basically inert."

TV Watch(ing) Dog for sale.

Armchair quarterback/Armchair everything

Bottle Opener Strikes A Red Wine Well

Urban Expansion

Emotional Baggage Handler

'No thanks; can't handle caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, or number six birdshot.'

"... And how long have you had this total fixation with T.V.?"

"I can't wait till after the election when everything will be perfect."

Marriage counselor: 'I say he's a couch po-tah-toe, and he says, couch po-taa-toe!'

"Damn the Uris brothers, damn the Tishmans, damn Zeckendorf...."

'You can't vote him off, dear - he's the newsreader'

'A new study of people who watch television all the time reveals some shocking facts....'

"I told you that TV would be too big for this room."