Cocktail Critic T-Shirts

-"For instance, this gin and tonic does not have a single molecule of gin in it!" -"It's from the staff canteen, right!"

"I never use ice anymore since hearing about the endangered glaciers."

'The only problem with eternity is, it's hard to tell when the cocktail hour starts.'

"I'm telling you, these drinks have been watered down"

'I get no kick from Champagne, mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all...' 'God, reformed alcoholics are so damned smug!'

I've got the travel agent on the line... Remember to tell him there's not enough mint in the Pimms!

I've decided to shift down a few gears.'

'I have my scotch and soda clock.'

'I was once teetotal, it was the worst two hours of my life!'

'No thanks; can't handle caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, or number six birdshot.'

"I understand he's thinking of sacking Lenin next"

"I must have got a bad olive at the bar last night."

'Jack Gurkenman, lawyer. If you don't get drunk enough to wet your pants, we can sue the destillery!'

The New Square Mile Regulator.

'Which one has the highest alcohol content?' 'That one.'

"What does he have to be falsely humble about?"

"Of course it's not easy to read the body language of someone who's basically inert."

"Something age appropriate."

"I was new money till they initiated the anti counterfeiting measures."

"He's sweet but he's a registered gun nut."

Cat eyes up cocktail olive.

"It's important to get those drinks to those who need them the most."

"I'm supposed to be someplace downtown right now, sucking the air out of the room."

"Touché, Roy. A snappy riposte will be winging its way to you as soon as possible."

"Then we've agreed that all the evidence isn't in, and that even if all the evidence were in, it still wouldn't be definitive."

"I keep thinking how much pleasanter New York would be without Ed, Donald, and George."

"I'm not a mean drunk—I'm just damned insensitive."

"He looks very trim, but he's got eighty grams of fat in his head."

"The crime scene down the hall has crap vermouth."

"Hey, investor fears need calming over here, too."

"It's almost 5 o'clock! Where the hell is my vodka app?!"

"This place has the best happy hour."

On holiday.

I could have danced all night!

Cocktails on the verandah.