Cop Comedy Fans Gifts

"Feelings? You were screaming because he was hurting your feelings?"

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

Cop Shop: Bulk, dried blood, shaved hair, ground teeth, assorted body parts and bone fragments.

"If we could explain it in Hip-hop, officer?. . . It would be like this!"

'Not much cop are you!'

'Looks like the latest crime figures have been stolen.'

"Embezzlement is now called virtual bank robbery."

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

'Sorry Rocko, you know how it works. Step on a crack, break your mother's back.'

'First Lady Lettuce goes missing...'

'So now you sniff out drugs. That's it, no more TV cop shows.'

'I'm hoping to get into Crime Sprees.'

"Honestly, guys, my check is in the mail."

Al Pacino

For the last time, officer, I'm absolutely, positively sure it was number four.

"The weeds - I want 'em whacked."

Decision on the flip of a coin...

'Okay, I'll give you the money, but this could negatively affect your credit rating.'

Man sees his double in ID parade. Policeman says: 'Please indicate which of these men stole your identity.'

"Do you recognise the giraffe who hit you?"

Louie 'The Egg' Spignoli, The Hangman's Nightmare

Therapy among thieves

Messing Up My Metrics

'Have you any idea what speed you were doing, sir?'

Containment Cops

New York City, the Bronx, and another successful Vice Squad raid comes to wraps (real vices used for arresting criminals).

"Money or your beard!"

Good Mop, Bad Mop.

The Codfather.

"Next time the killer comes on your radio do not say 'COPY THAT'."