Cop Comedy Enthusiast Gifts

'Good cop - bad cop is enough. We don't need morally ambiguous cop.'

Containment Cops

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

Cop Shop: Bulk, dried blood, shaved hair, ground teeth, assorted body parts and bone fragments.

"If we could explain it in Hip-hop, officer?. . . It would be like this!"

"One crime on this island and everyone's a suspect!"

Police Lineup Escape

"Well, obviously the victim had a French enemy."

'I won't be able to look up your account right now. Our computers have been impounded by the authorities.'

'OK, give him the money but we'll need to hold onto the gun as collateral.'

"For a masked intruder, you seem to know your way around the house."

'I'm in for identity theft, I stole it off someone who was wanted for murder.'

"Hmm. . . it looks like he was struck on the head with a blunt object. . . If only I could find out what the murder weapon could be. . ."

For the last time, officer, I'm absolutely, positively sure it was number four.

"Do you know what time they open love?"

"Everybody freeze! This is a stickup!"

'I think my husband is trying to bore me to death.'

"We find a murdered ventriloquist dummy and have reason to believe you had a hand in it."

"Next time the killer comes on your radio do not say 'COPY THAT'."

Two cosa nostra gangsters sipping tea.

"Everyone we know is escaping and you sit there doing nothing."

"We're all metric now..."

"Do you accept ill-gotten gains?"

'All your money or the pig sneezes!'

Piñata police line-up.

'...if you don't stop..er..singing Mr Bieber I'll arrest you for possessing an offensive weapon as well as drunk driving.'

"If you killed him using a tennis racket, you need a sports lawyer."

'I can't believe you gave them your resume instead of the holdup note!'

'Donut shop is down the hall to your right - and I'm not answering any more questions without my lawyer present.'

Money Laundering

"I'm afraid I'm unable to help with your compulsive addiction to shoplifting Mrs. Jones. So with that in mind could I put an order in for the following items...

"Jeff! Have you been sleepwalking again?!"