Cop Comedy Enthusiast Gifts

'Good cop - bad cop is enough. We don't need morally ambiguous cop.'

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

Cop Shop: Bulk, dried blood, shaved hair, ground teeth, assorted body parts and bone fragments.

"If we could explain it in Hip-hop, officer?. . . It would be like this!"

"One crime on this island and everyone's a suspect!"

Police Lineup Escape

"Well, obviously the victim had a French enemy."

'I won't be able to look up your account right now. Our computers have been impounded by the authorities.'

"Hmm. . . it looks like he was struck on the head with a blunt object. . . If only I could find out what the murder weapon could be. . ."

'OK, give him the money but we'll need to hold onto the gun as collateral.'

'I'm in for identity theft, I stole it off someone who was wanted for murder.'

"For a masked intruder, you seem to know your way around the house."

"We're all metric now..."

"We find a murdered ventriloquist dummy and have reason to believe you had a hand in it."

"Do you know what time they open love?"

Two cosa nostra gangsters sipping tea.

"Next time the killer comes on your radio do not say 'COPY THAT'."

'I think my husband is trying to bore me to death.'

'All your money or the pig sneezes!'

"Do you accept ill-gotten gains?"

"Everyone we know is escaping and you sit there doing nothing."

"Everybody freeze! This is a stickup!"

'I can't believe you gave them your resume instead of the holdup note!'

"If you killed him using a tennis racket, you need a sports lawyer."

'Donut shop is down the hall to your right - and I'm not answering any more questions without my lawyer present.'

"Jeff! Have you been sleepwalking again?!"

...Mr.Colman is busy right now - he's burning some books.

Idenity Parade.

'My only witness and alibi for the bank job was the guy I was robbing across in another part of town.'