Conversion Narrative Enthusiast Gifts

Je-Hereford's Witnesses

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

'Like it? I LOVED it! The narrative gripped me from the first sentence and didn't let go until the final, heart-stopping page! And the CHARACTERS! Without question, Harris, this is the finest year-end financial report you've ever written!'

'...and when the wolves moved house I was adopted by beetles.'

'Mummy, the review of this book was more interesting.'

Thomas Keneally

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

Toni Morrison

"Tell us again — a little less graphic."

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Jesus has a Practice Before Raising Lazarus.

Rudy, I loved your memoir. It was fascinating. The way you overcame huge odds to invent the computer. How you went on to protect us from government surveillance. You know none of it's true. The way you swore yourself to humility. People so want to believe a good story.

"I've got dominion, I've got dominion..."

'In lieu of a Christmas bonus, I'm going to read you a story.'

"You know, it's a picture book. Needless to say, it doesn't have a lot of narrative scope."

Fresh Blood In Politics

'When we converted the pub into a house, we decided to keep some of the original features.'

Great literary festival heckles.

'Stay back from the edge. Remember what happened to the last angel that fell.'

'Read me the one about the three homeless little pigs.'

"I love my unreliable narrator. You?"

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack -- Career Duck

Some other sins you may enjoy.

"Your life's story lacks a protagonist."

Unreliable Narrator

'I guess it all started the day my mom said, son, if you put your mind to it, there's nothing you can't do.'

"I'm not a fan of biblical movies."

'Yes! After eight months hard graft it's finished, now onto Chapter Two...'

Fun at the Office #523: LUTHER LOOSEFOGLE BECOMES A SUPERVISOR

"The key to a good story is to give the protagonist lots of challenges."

"Relax. You're a famous author - no one expects you to talk about anything other than yourself."

'Spinach: The Prequel'

'Looking back after living 900 years, my biggest regret is taking early retirement.'

"Have you considered writing this story in the third monkey rather than the first monkey?"