Eccentric Narrative Fan Gifts

'...and when the wolves moved house I was adopted by beetles.'

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

Use your imagination.

'Ignore it! It's just some of the local kids trying to get in for free.'

'Like it? I LOVED it! The narrative gripped me from the first sentence and didn't let go until the final, heart-stopping page! And the CHARACTERS! Without question, Harris, this is the finest year-end financial report you've ever written!'

"I'm still not sure if we've hired a creative genius or a complete cretin."

"Don't forget to rate us on stable-BnB."

"Personally, I of course loved Uncle Clarence, but Mr. Quibbles wants to say a few things."

Thomas Keneally

'Mummy, the review of this book was more interesting.'

"You don't think this could be construed as ironic do you?"

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack -- King Of The Commune

"Pat's independently wealthy and dependably entertaining."

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Top Ten Hit

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

Toni Morrison

God's Double Whammy.

The Phyllis Diller Collection

Crocodile Shoes

Rudy, I loved your memoir. It was fascinating. The way you overcame huge odds to invent the computer. How you went on to protect us from government surveillance. You know none of it's true. The way you swore yourself to humility. People so want to believe a good story.

"Tell us again — a little less graphic."

Gloria's life had been uneventful - until her 40th birthday, when her arms changed into swans.

Believe or not but before he became a famous artist he was a shoe salesman.

"You know, it's a picture book. Needless to say, it doesn't have a lot of narrative scope."

Fresh Blood In Politics

'Stay back from the edge. Remember what happened to the last angel that fell.'

'Read me the one about the three homeless little pigs.'

The Doomed Character

Great literary festival heckles.

"Come at me, Bro!"

"Ok, here he comes, remember the story, I've had a bad asthma attack..."

"He's nuts. She's nuts. All three young ones are nuts. The dog is nuts. And the old lady upstairs is nuts, too."

"I love my unreliable narrator. You?"