Conversation Craftsman Gifts

"Is it important for a politician to speak a number of languages?"

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"Now that I can talk, here's my speaking fee."

"Matthew, did we agree to adopt a whale?"

"He was a big man, but he moved like a cat."

Bad Interview Technique

'Are you sure you brought the right flat pack?'

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

'May I suggest a pleasant viognier to put the subtext into gear?'

'Dear Miss Etiquette, I'm never sure if I should say anything...'

"Hold still, it's a programme about making your own tv cabinet."

"I'd love to chat, Dave, but unless it's high-powered, high-quality, high-finance, high-tech chat, I just don't have the time."

Cut out and keep your own Freud.

"I know, I know — it looks silly, but you can’t imagine how warm I am."

"My idea of an agreeable person is one who agrees with me."

"Are you busy or are you at work?"

"I would've started my novel by now, but I've been to busy suffering!"

"You've got to give him credit - He was the first in his family to learn to talk."

"I spent twelve years making this. Where's MY award?"

'Instead of being stranded on this island for the next 10 years, I used my pocket knife to build a boat out of palm trees. I told you my woodworking skills would pay off.'

Things You Say Wher You Are Officially Old - Volume # 1

"All this mold is a good sign that our marketing content is getting a little stale."

Well yes, I'm quite clever: I have over twenty patents to my name...

The Ly'in Starts Here.

"This call is monitored for quality. Try to keep up your end of the conversation."

"Your script is fresh, imaginative, innovative, and groundbreaking. Now all you need to do is tweak it into a version of a proven blockbuster or an old TV sitcom and we'd love to green-light it."

Don't forget the netiquette

"You're not holding up your end of the conversation."

"Oh no! Set decorator and special effects wizard Emilio Ruiz del Rio, who worked on 'Dr. Zhivago,' 'Lawrence of Arabia' and 'Pan's Labyrinth' has died!"

Young Picasso In Woodshop

Echo Point - 'ello 'ello 'ello.

"As kindergarten taught me, a liberal application of glitter can hide a host of flaws."

Trevor had misunderstood Lisa's invitation to come over a make love with her.

"Before we start the date, here's a list of things I have zero interest in talking about."

"Tell us again about civil discourse. We promise not to laugh this time."