Controversy Comedist Gifts

'Tunnel of things that Dr Laura opposes'

"I was going to play the Moonlight Sonata, but I forgot the key."

"Let's play make-believe. I'll diagnose you with a life-threatening illness, then cure you with a wonder-drug that turns out to be a placebo."

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

“Pottery Classes – Give it a Whirl!”

'Who stuck corks on all the cursors?'

"The last doggy bag."

'Remember that Op-Ed piece you wrote last month?...'

'If they don't laugh, we'll say it's art.'

Monet At Open Mic Night

Ferguson, Bramley, Osgood & Holt - Big Frogs in a Small Pond.

Comedy Rule

"Not to quibble, Helen, but if you look up 'Pathetic Loser' in the dictionary I don't believe anyone's picture is there."

'I don't like to complain, Evelyn, but aren't these family reunions getting out of hand?'

'How'd the negotiations go? Take a wild guess.'

The Occupy a Barstool Movement.

Frankenstein wears a t-shirt that states: 'Just say no to stem cell research.'

'Do you notice when it's forty below, people quit kicking the oil companies?'

'Want to have a snow ball battle?'

'Thanks to Obama the Nobel Prize has lost much of its prestige. This is the third time I got one in my surprise meal this week.'

Ye Olde FIgure-Drawing Classe

The Kommander in Khief

'Scottish Arts Council? I'm looking for sponsorship to help me sit through a performance of Gotterdammerung.'

'Thank you, Iris, but it's actually a 'Lauer cake'.'

Lactose is Good. Lactose intolerance isn't something you protest against, Ernie.

The Slumber Party.

'My career goals? Writing political attack ads would combine my love of blogging and bullying.'

But the brochures says breakfast in bed! Yes, only if you carry your bed down to the dining room!

'So there's a fly in your beer — why begrudge a fellow creature a little happiness?'

"Sometimes I think you guys don't want peace."

'Of course, the really big money is in junk science.'

'Rick Perry's Execution Record!'

"I'm hoping that once we enter the Bronze Age I'll be able to get a better likeness of you."

'Knee him in the groin - it always works.'

Journalism